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Friday, 11 September 2009

A personal reflection, part I

Wow, I know it's been like forever since I've been on here. First of all Sophie, I do read your entries when you update, I still get the e-mails. Anyway, I thought I'd just write something on here something I wrote last week and put it here for those who do not have facebook. It's just a reflection that I had last week that I wanted to put here. It's only one part of probably a series of personal reflections. This will probably most likly be the only one I'll put on here since I really haven't used xanga in like FOREVER. But I might start using another site or something, I don't know yet. Anyway, just to let you know this entry will NOT be like what I've written in the past, so no worries...I hope.
Okay so I know I really haven't journaled in a long while but with a lot that has been going on this past week on my retreat I sorta felt compelled to write something. Now don't worry this isn't one of those posts I've done in the past that were not the prettiest. No, this is more of a reflective entry, one that not only has me reflecting about myself now but what has been going on with me for the past two years in the seminary. I figured this was an appropriate time I think since I'll be starting classes soon here at Mundelein that I should really take a look back at where I've been, where I'm at and where I'll be (God willing). There has been so much that has happened to me since I've been in the seminary, needless to say I have learned a lot about myself, my faith and my relationship with God.
I don't know exactly where to start so I'll just dive right in. The past two years that I've been at Conception have been wonderful. Never have I ever been so close to so many people before in my life. I have truly made good lifelong friends at Conception. Two good friends, Brian and David (we pronounce his name in Spanish but we sometimes just call him "Dave") are currently in Rome for their theology. The two of them have made, I think, a significant impact on both my life and my vocation. When times got tough at the seminary I trusted that the two of the were there for me to either cheer me up, give me a good laugh or try and help me in whatever way they could. I have really grown close to the two of them and I can truly say that they are my brothers. I constantly pray for them as they are so far from their homes but I trust that God is watching over them.
Another good friend of mine has been Danny. I tend to think that the two of us have a lot in common. At the same time it doesn't seem that way. The two of us are the same age but have had two distinct paths in life. Danny has really been there for me when time got tough at Conception. Now, what makes Danny unique is that he is a straight-forward-in-your-face kinda guy but I by no means mean that in a negative manner. He was one that would not leave me alone whenever something was wrong with me and do whatever it took to make sure everything was okay with me. This really showed me that he was one that really cared for me and my well being. The one reason why Danny would be so forward with me was that he told me that so many of the younger seminarians actually looked up to me. This was something I was taken back by. Even though I was in the same boat as most of the other seminarians I never saw myself as someone that people would look up to. It was with that that would encourage me to persevere in my studies and in my formation.
I think that last person that I could really think of would be Josh. Josh, despite his age was someone that really had the heart to really look out for others. Josh was one who really opened his home to my when I wanted to go to Br. Maxamilian's profession (more on this later), and whose family I really have gotten to really know. Josh was also a guy to whom I knew I could go to when I really needed someone to talk to. With an open heart and open ear, Josh was able to help make out a lot of what has been going on in my life. I am thankful for his Josh's friendship because of the way that he is an open person. That is what inspired me to continue loving each person I meet, no matter who they are.
One last person I'd like to mention real quick is Br. Maxamilian (the guy formally known as Adam). Even though I really didn't see him a lot or hang out with him a lot didn't deter from the fact that I admire the life he has chosen to follow. When I think back when I was twenty years old, the last thing on my mind was to enter a monastery. Yet, he chose to live a monastic life and to give witness to God's glory in living with a community of men dedicated to spreading the Gospel message through prayer, work and community at Conception Abbey. That is why I've sorta looked up to him and try and reflect that way of life for myself (without actually being a monk). That's another reason why I went out of my way to see him make his first profession and I hope that I'll be able to be there for his solemn profession.
There are many other guys that have really made a difference in my life but there are so many that I could spend all day talking about them. The reason why I've decided to share this is because when I look back at all that have impacted me in my two years of formation so far I begin to look further back on my life. This past summer I've been given the chance to be on two retreats that have really given me the chance to reflect on these types of things from my past. I look back, there have been people, events and situations that I think that Lord has put in front of me as real life lessons that I am now beginning to realize were there. I think most of you can probably guess but for those who can't I'm talking about COLLEGE. I really enjoyed college but at the same time I think I really was searching for myself, for who Vicente Fernandez is. Like I've said I think God has put people in my life that I am now realizing had an impact on me but I was too ignorant to notice and see back then. The one thing that I think is unfortunate though is that these people have tried to be there for me, care for me, and help me out but I often pushed them aside and refused their help. I think often when that happened I would get into trouble or that person would feel unappreciated. I think looking back now, even though I would try and help out other people in serving them I think in someway I was really a selfish person. Now I know that might sound a little extreme...or true, but in either case I was really out for myself. Now, I'm not trying to just dwell on the negatives of my college years but there have been many positive aspects that I can't all write down. What I'm trying to say is that I don't think I really appreciated some people back then and I guess you could say I'm now starting to regret it. Now I feel I should just go around just try to make up for my shortcomings and try to start over. I know that I had a lot of growing up to do back then and I still have a lot of growing up to do but I know with the help of God and the people he puts in my life I know I can do it:
I remember my last meeting with my spiritual director at Conception telling him that I felt that I really hadn't grown spiritually during my time at Conception. He then asked me one simple question (which I really don't think it was simple at the time) which was, "do you think you are better off now than you were two years ago?" I had to really think about that and I think that's what really had me reflecting more and more about where I've been, where I'm at and where I'll be (God willing).
The reason why I chose to write this publicly is because I know there are people out there who might be thinking that I'll always be the same or wondered if I've changed. Like I've said, I know I can't change the past or the actions of my past but I hope that I will be able to make amends to those whom I may have ignored, put off in my life, hurt, or just stopped talking to. I know the road ahead is not going to be easy but I know with the help of God and others in my life we can make it together.
I still have a lot more to say but I can't think of it right now but rest assured that more might be coming, if not please know that I have not forgotten those who are important to me in my life.

Sunday, 06 July 2008

So I'm sitting here at a Starbucks using their $10 a day wi-fi internet because I really wasn't doing anything else today besides Mass. So I decided to go Starbucks and use their wi-fi but since it's $10 a day I plan on staying here for at least 3-4 hours (my family isn't really expecting me since I said I was going out walking but didn't specify where, they really don't care though, they're pretty cool) to get by money's worth. Anyway, I can't belive that I'm halfway through my trip already and tomorrow I finally start having classes in the morning tomorrow. This means that I now have evenings free and stuff. But still, I can't belive I'm already halfway done. This past Friday the first group of seminarians that did their six weeks left. They arrived back on May 25th and now for the next few weeks there's going to be fewer and fewer seminarians at the school. It's kinda cool there were so many of us at the school. Also, last Friday on the 4th the school had cake and stuff for all the students from the US which I think was kinda cool (but some wanted the day off because it was the 4th but I had to remind them that they were in another country).
So when I get back to Conception back in August I had an interesting idea that has to do with something that Fr. Samuel our rector said back in the spring at the rectors forum. The one thing that Fr. Samuel brought up was that more seminarins should get a better understanding of other subjects and one subject he mentioned was History. When Fr. Samuel brought this up I got really excited and then I came up with an interesting idea. I thought that maybe next year I would offer "Hitorical" movie nights between once a week to every other week. I put quotes on "Historical" because (not to be the bearer of bad news) all movies based on historical events are innacurate. But I thought that at least showing a artistic view of a range of historical movies will help guys then go out and do their own study of history. Like, one movie I would like to show is "The Mission" which is about Jesuit missionaries in South America and the politics surrounding it. Now, my hope is that after showing it guys would want to go out and look deeper into the events surrounding the missions in South America and get a better understanding of the historical events surrounding the movie. Get what I'm trying to say? I figured that showing a wide range of "historical" movies they would get a better view of the world around them. So here are some movies I would like to show, now this isn't the complete list, I want to get a grasp of what guys are interested in at Conception:
The 13th Warrior (starring Antonio Banderas): This movie is about a Muslim sent as an ambassador to Northern Europe (yes that's right Muslims, they did A LOT of traveling and went as far as Northern Europe).
Memoirs of a Geisha (starring Zhang Ziyi from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon): Looking deeper into what a girl has to do to become a Geisha (note: Geishas ARE NOT PROSTITUTES!!!!!).
The Mission (starring Jeremy Irons and Robert DiNiro): Mentioned above
King Arthur (starring Clive Owen and Keira Knightly): this movie takes more of a historical approach to the legend of King Arthur and that Arthur was originally a Roman soldier in what is today Britain.
Elizabeth (starring Kate Blanchette): it's about the rise of Elizabeth I as the Queen of England after the death of Queen Mary.
Luther (starring Joseph Finnes): Hey why not learn about the "enemy."
Pearl Harbor (starring Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner): I know I'll probably get some flack for showing this movie at the seminary as being "historical."
Remember the Titans (starring Denzel Washington): About the integration of black and white students on a High School football team back in the early 70's and the new black coach of the team.
Michael Collins (starring Liam Nielson): about a revolutionary during the Irish Civil War.
Good Night and Good Luck (starring George Clooney): About NBC raidio's coverage of Senator McCarthy's hearings of people's involvement in Communism.
I know there are a bunch more movies but here are some movies I would like to show and that I want to take a bit of a diverse approach to the movies. If anyone out there has any suggestions let me know. Until next time...

Friday, 27 June 2008

You know it's interesting, I sometimes take for granted the fact that I'm a seminarian. But I think that I should tend to look at the fact that since I am a seminarian and I am actually blessed. Now, I'm not trying to come off as arrogant or anything but I think that just being a seminarian is already a gift from God. Even if for some reason I don't become ordained or anything I still feel as though God has blessed me and has given me the chance to see if I am called to serve him as a priest. In either case though, I feel blessed.. Like the other day me and the other seminarians who are down here learning Spanish went walking around Morelia just looking around being more like tourists and visited a whole bunch of churches here in Morelia. During that tour of churches I finally found one of my favorate churches in Mexico, I mean this church was amazing! It was like gold leaf and gold like everywhere. When I walked in I was like, "holy cow!" like really loud as a quincenera was going on but I was in the back and I covered my mouth. I mean talk about taking one's breath away. Anyway, as we continued on our way we went to this religious store that was atached to the Evangelical Center for the Archdiocese of Morelia. So while we were there we met this one priest that was really happy to meet seminarians from the States and he invited us to dinner one day (we haven't set up a date yet) and this weekend he wants to go see a movie with us. So I thought that it was cool that we are buliding fraternity amog priests and others internationally. And later than night that we were out in Morealia we went to this presentation where they do this presentation on turing the outside lights of the Cathedral with fireworks and music. It was pretty cool, but one thing that was interesting was that this one woman approached us after the show and asked if we were seminarians. Thing was, none of us knew who this woman was but she said that she just knew that we were seminarians (as opposed to just tourists) because we just looked like seminarians, we had "the look." But she told us what church she was from and invited us to some of the youth groups and young adult groups they have at the parish. So that day reminded me how much I am blessed to be a seminarian and that it's something I shouldn't take for granted.

Tuesday, 17 June 2008

Well I'm here in Morelia now, sorry I really haven't been writing in a while. I thought that I would have more time between the end of the semester and the beginning of classes in Morelia but I was wrong. I was a lot more busy than what I thought I was. I actually was going to write something earlier about Hedonism and some views and arguments against it. However, that didn't come to be. I still plan on writing in but it'll have to be later. But in any case, I'm here in Morelia and it's been an interesting first 24 hours. The school that I'm at is really cool, I really like it. The classes that I'm taking is one on one so I can go at my own pace. But the interesting thing about my classes is that both of my teachers (I have one teacher for one class and another for three classes in a row) have told me that I speak Spanish very, very well. So it was kinda interesting to tell them the reason why my diocese decided to send me down here. But hey, I'm not complaining about it. I do think that I'll be learning a lot and that I just need some help in certain areas of the language, especially in my grammar.
I still can't believe that I'm going to be down here for six weeks. Not to sound arrogant or anything but I feel as though I'm ready to get out of here in less than that but I need to take things one day at a time. I still haven't been able to go explore the city yet. I found the nearest church by where I live so I'll probably go later today to go see that. The only thing though is that I can't go to the church on Monday's because there is only one priest at the parish and his day off is on Monday and so the church is closed on Monday. There's also like three churches right by the school. So sometime within the next week I'll be investigating them to see what time they have daily Mass. I kept hearing that a whole bunch of churches have Mass at noon so I'll have to check into that. All my classes are in the evening (for the next two weeks and then they said that they're going to change that) so I'm really not around the nicer churches by the school. The church by the house I'm at is more on the modern side (at least from the outside) and I don't thing I've actually ever been inside of a modern church (exception with the new Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe). Well, I think that'll be all for now, I would put pictures of up but I couldn't find my cable in my room back home so I didn't bring it with me. I'm not too worried because I can take like 2000 pictures on my camera and even though I can be a shutter bug I don't think I'll be taking that many pictures. Well, 'til next time!

Thursday, 15 May 2008

Well, my first year of seminary is over and boy did a lot happen in that year. I'm reminded of how my first year of college went, it went by so fast but it felt as though I was there forever. The same thing applies here but there are some things that are different. First of all, the bonds that are grown here are HUGE. I remember talking to a friend of mine the other day and he was talking about how he was looking forward to going home but stressed on the fact that he was going to miss some of the guys here and not seeing them. He said that he has friends at home but that it's so much different. Having friends is a good thing especially ones that are at home and stuff but the friendships that develop between seminarians is different. It's almost to the point that it cannot be explained why that is but it goes to show that priestly (and seminarian) fraternity is important. I remember a while back during a day of recollection the priest that was leading the day of recollection saying how it is important to have fraternity between seminarians. He related seminary life to family life. You have to love everyone in your family but that doesn't necessarily mean that there aren't one or two that you could care less about. The same goes for the seminary, we have to love each other in a fraternal sense, but that doesn't mean there aren't any guys we don't like. I think this is especially true when a guy leaves the seminary for different reasons. I personally kind of find it sad when a seminarian leaves the seminary. Now I'm not saying that it's sad because of the reasons why he leaves but because of that bond that seminarians have. But the one thing that I've noticed is that the guys that leave the seminary are usually the ones that you would least expect to leave. One example that I can think of was this one guy named Matt who's first semester was last fall. Now this guy was out going, holy, smart and no one ever had a problem with him. But when news that he was going to leave at the end of the semester, sadness spread through part of the campus. However, after the initial shock the guys here began to be more supportive and prayed that he would find what God is calling him to do with his life. Now, ever since he has left he has come back once in a while (he now goes to Benedictine College about a little over an hour away from Conception) to visit, and one time he was a "chaparone" to some guys wanting to check out the seminary for our Encounter weekend. So when one looks at when a guys leaves it's not always for the bad. This is something I think most people don't understand too well when men leave the seminary. Seminary is not only a place of formation but a place to find out if the priesthood is something that God wants them to do. When people begin to see and understand that, they become a huge supporter of vocations because they almost being to understand what we (as seminarians) go through. So this summer ought to be interesting for my vocation and I hope writing all of it down will show how the life of a seminarian is...for the most part.